The Number One Piece Of Advice For Women Looking To Go Big

The book was already written.

I had submitted the draft of my debut book, Work It: Secrets for Success from the Boldest Women in Business. I had received edits, I had made the changes, and my editor was absolutely thrilled.

So why was I so terrified?

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was hiding behind a tub of cookies, shoving them in my face, and feeling not happy but anxious after the book was submitted. Everyone talks about how hard it is to write a book — but I had already done that. It was over! Why was this happening?

It turns out, fear can be completely paralyzing.

Writing the book wasn’t terrifying for me. Releasing the book, however? That was a whole different ball game. The thoughts raced through my mind:

“What if people don’t like it?”

“What if absolutely no one buys it?”

“What if this was a huge distraction from my day job, and my life falls apart?”

“What if I disappoint the publisher?”

A marketer by trade, this was supposed to be the time when I was in my zone! I know how to market things, and the book was just one more “thing” to promote. Why didn’t it feel easy?

Well, promoting a book is not like working for a brand, since you’re essentially promoting yourself. And for me? That was my absolute worst nightmare.

So in the weeks that led up to the launch, I kept eating and eating. I like to joke that I “ate a book” — every time I felt anxious about what was to come, I just had an Oreo. (And as you might suspect, that was a lot of Oreos!)

As the weeks became days, and we got closer to launch, I decided there was nothing to do but push forward. I was going to have to get out of my comfort zone — and relentlessly promote the book. I was going to have to call everyone I knew and ask them to help. If I wanted to look good in interviews, I was going to have to stop eating Oreos, and maybe get out of my pajamas. I was going to have to put myself out there.

That’s exactly what I did. Do you know what I learned?

All of the anxiety and all of the Oreos were for nothing.

Once I pushed past my comfort zone, I was able to see that the promotion of the book was working. In fact, so much so that I wished I had started earlier! True, it was terrifying, and true, sometimes I’d cringe if I felt that I posted too much on social media — but overall, I was watching it work, and feeling really good about the campaign that I ran.

My advice for women who are looking to go big? Feel the fear, and do it anyway.

If I had acknowledged my fear — had looked it in the face, rather than literally stuffing it down with Oreos — I would have been able to truly feel it, and eventually move on. Instead, I tried to squash it — and had frenetic, anxious energy that had me running in circles.

The next time I tried something scary, I did it a bit differently.

Today, I’m launching a show on Facebook Watch, also called “Work It.” It features in-person, on camera interviews with brilliant, successful women. There was a lot of fear with this launch too:

“What if the women I interview don’t think I’m smart — and think I’m wasting their time?”

“What if nobody watches?”

“What if I look horrible on camera?”

“What if the show is boring?”

But this time, I handled my fear a bit differently. I allowed myself to feel it. I wrote it down, and I experienced it. Then, I threw the paper away. And I wrote down questions that envisioned a much more positive outcome.

“What if I connect with these women and we become friends?”

“What if I impact a young woman’s life who watches and gets a key takeaway from the show?”

“What if I look back on this show when I’m 80 and remember that I was once a CEO, a mom, and looked pretty darn good for my age?”

“What if I learn something?”

I remember I was in a speaking workshop once with someone I have immense admiration for, Nilofer Merchant, one of the top business innovators in the country and the author of The Power of Onlyness. I was presenting about my life, and I said with a fairly fearful, defeated tone, “I just don’t know what will happen next.” Nilofer took one look at me and said, “Say that again, but re-frame the tone.” I said it again, but in an excited open voice, “I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!”

For women who want to go big, you have to allow yourself the moment to feel the fear. You can acknowledge it, and you can even say it the way I said my original “what’s next” line. But then you must push past the fear, and do it anyway. And it will feel a lot better if you use the Nilofer Merchant mentality — and be open to and excited for the next chapter.

Good luck!